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A not so long time ago, in a swamp in the wilds of South America, an expedition went in search of the missing link that tied apes to the murky water-dwelling creatures of the seas and rivers.


It didn't go well, and everybody died, but that has nothing to do with The Bigger Issues! They weren't anywhere near there, not involved at all, and anyone who might tell you otherwise is currently tied to a rock at the bottom of the...


Sorry. The medication wore off.


But since we're better now, we should probably tell you about the band before it takes a bad turn again. 


Hailing from childhoods that never let go of them and a bad case of Peter Pan syndrome, Somerset Kenny, Jonathan "Sugar Thumbs", and Screamin' John Brown all played with various bands, testing the chairs, porridge, and beds, but never finding one that was just right. Time went by and they all got older (but as the saying goes, the girls seemed to all stay the same age).


While they were jamming one day, a young bird named [REDACTED], dressed in a pink riding hoodie, wandered backward into the house with her nose in a map, and (as soon as they got her turned around), she gave the three geezers a once-over, then grabbed the microphone, and yelled, "Stand back, Daddy-O! Let me show you how to do this just right!" 


And it turned out, that bird could sing. Like seriously belt it out. 


Still, Somerset Kenny adjusted his title belt (after all, he is the World Heavyweight Champion of Cowbell), and corrected the young lady, "Oh, no, little girl, this isn't JUST about daddy, anymore."


But before any of them could say another word, the doorbell rang, and a sweet young blonde (this one wearing a purple name tag that read "Ellie") toting a pizza peeked her head in (apparently the geezers attracted young chicks like flies -- cute and hip young flies).


"Is this the place that ordered the rock and roll pizza with extra melody and a heavy sprinkling of fun?" She asked. Needless to say, the dudes handed the chick an ax (that's hep talk for guitars) and a keyboard and drafted her into service right on the spot.


Well, as the smart people say, it must have been kismet or fate or something cosmic like that, and the five became a family and that's how they became the Brady...


Sorry. Needed another dose, but, really, we're okay now.


Anyway, after that, everything fell into place and with the young bird helming the lead vox (i.e., singing lead vocals, for all you cats who ain't hep), The Bigger Issues! were born.


But no one knows what the future holds for this fabulous group of rock and rollers. Global domination? Cosmic conquest? Super-powered comic book adventures? Their own collector's card game? More fiber in their diet? Who knows?


But for good or ill, The Bigger Issues! have arrived, and is taking its mission to bring the fun of rock and roll to all the boys and girls very seriously. (Without all that seriousness that gets in the way, of course.)

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